Pretoria's great crisp heist

PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA - In a daring heist, a group of thieves stole an estimated 29,000 packets of Simba crisps from a warehouse in the city's industrial area. The thieves, who have dubbed themselves the "Snack Squad", managed to bypass security and make off with the loot in a fleet of getaway cars disguised as food delivery vehicles.

Authorities believe the stolen crisps will likely end up on the black market, sold at reduced prices in informal shops and markets. "This is a significant blow to the local snack food industry," said an officer of the Pretoria Police Service. "We're urging the public to be vigilant and report any suspicious activity."

The Snack Squad has released a statement claiming responsibility for the heist, boasting about their "snack-cessful" operation (pathetic, cheesy). The statement, allegedly written by the group's leader, "Chippy", read: "We pulled off the ultimate snack heist. Stay tuned for the next snack attack!" Nothing is surprising in a rainbow nation.

Police are appealing to the public for information on the whereabouts of the Snack Squad.

Local really is lekker!