CLASSIFIEDS
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We're committed to ensuring you connect with legitimate suppliers for all your unique needs.
To get in touch with a supplier:
- Contact The Gray News with the AD Code of the listing you're interested in.
- We'll connect you directly with the verified supplier.
- Proceed with caution and curiosity – some listings might be ... unusual.
GIVEAWAY
Giving away absolutely nothing. Must pick up from "nowhere."
AD CODE 00116
FOR HIRE
Jumping Castle available.
CAUTION!
Castle jumps SO HIGH that kids are in danger on the ground when it comes down. Adult supervision is definitely imperative. Includes free tears, screams, and potential ambulance rides.
AD CODE 00113
WANTED
Seeking someone to take the fall for my mistakes. Must be willing to accept blame for things you didn't do.
Payment in apologies.
AD CODE 00110
FOR SALE
Gently used caffeine dependency for sale.
Includes jitters, crashes, and perpetual need for more coffee.
$10 or nearest offer.
AD CODE 00107
URGENT
Hidden Talent Wanted
Seeking person who can simultaneously eat a whole pizza, solve a Rubik's cube, and sing the national anthem backwards.
Must supply own pizza.
AD CODE 00104
AUCTION
Bidding on a completely mysterious item.
No description. No guarantees. Buyer must guess what it is.
AD CODE 00117
JOB AVAILABLE
Seeking highly skilled Professional Paint Watcher to stare intensely at paint for hours - contemplating its texture, and occasionally whispering 'now, now - dry now.' Must have the patience of a saint and the ability to ignore productivity.
AD CODE 00114
JOB AVAILABLE
Vintage self-doubt items for sale. Includes "I'm not good enough" t-shirt, "What if I fail?" mug, and a bottle full of negative thoughts
Selling as a set.
POA
AD CODE 00111
WANTED
Infinite patience for dealing with slow internet, an annoying boss and a nagging wife.
Top dollar paid.
AD CODE 00108
FOR SALE
Invisible fence for sale. Great for boundaries,
Direct from seller - no middleman psychologist.
AD CODE 00105
FOR SALE
Selling storage space in a cloud. Must provide own clouds for transfer. Comes with chance of rain.
AD CODE 00118
FOR SALE
Vintage self-doubt items for sale. Includes "I'm not good enough" t-shirt, "What if I fail?" mug, and a bottle full of negative thoughts
Selling as a set.
POA
AD CODE 00115
SERVICES
Retroactive Apology Service.
Need to apologize for something you did in the past? Our Retroactive Apology Service sends apologies back in time to offended parties. Covers past mistakes, forgotten birthdays, and unintentional insults.
Priced per apology.
AD CODE 00112
FOR SALE
Gently used procrastination abilities for sale. Perfect for students or workers needing extra time to do nothing.
All offers welcome.
AD CODE 00109
WANTED
Giraffe sitter needed.
Looking for trustworthy individual to watch my 18ft tall inflatable giraffe while I'm away. Must be able to interpret giraffe "dance moves."