The great seed sabotage: Monsanto and Gates unleash terminator seeds on unsuspecting Africa

In a shocking exposé, our investigation has confirmed a diabolical plot by agribusiness giant Monsanto and philanthropist Bill Gates to control the world's food supply ... one sterile seed at a time.

Sources close to the matter (ok, I made that part up - but just that part) claim that the duo has been secretly distributing terminator seeds to African farmers, ensuring a lifetime supply of dependency on Western agricultural products. "It's like a bad Nigerian prince email," says local farmer Kofi Adu, "but instead of asking for money, they're asking for our seed sovereignty."

The seeds, engineered to self-destruct after one harvest, have left many African nations reeling. "We're not just talking about a food crisis, we're talking about a full-blown cultural genocide," says activist and seed whisperer, Mama Afrika.

Meanwhile, Gates and Monsanto are laughing all the way to the bank, their philanthropic efforts buying them untold influence and control over the global food market.

When reached for comment, a Monsanto spokesperson quipped, "We're just trying to help ... with a little thing called 'planned obsolescence'." Gates, meanwhile, was spotted by me, Alex Gray, enjoying a McDonald's meal, muttering something about "population control" and "Rockefeller's ghost." Oh, my ...

True story!