D.B. Cooper: The original disappearing brand

In a surprising turn of aviation history marketing, D.B. Cooper - the infamous hijacker who parachuted into legend with $200,000 in 1971 - is launching a lifestyle brand. "Cooper's Cash" merchandise is hitting the skies, featuring parachute-print hoodies, ransom-bill wallets, and "I hijacked a 727" T-shirts.”

Sources close to the Cooper estate (if such a thing exists) claim relatives of the late Richard McCoy Jr. - you know, the guy some folks reckon might've been Cooper - were spotted awkwardly endorsing the brand at a secret skydiving influencer meetup. "He jumped into greatness, now we're jumping into fashion," says a Cooper's Cash spokesperson.

The brand's flagship product? "Cooper's Cut" - a cryptocurrency allegedly backed by the original ransom money (now probably worth more in nostalgia than value). "Invest in history, get a piece of D.B.'s disappearing act," the promo reads. Meanwhile, the FBI's like, "Uh, we still don't know who D.B. was."

But things got weird. In a manufacturing mishap involving a deal with Chinese producers trying to cut costs, a whole batch of "Cooper's Cash" gear ended up labeled "Cooper's Crash." "Cooper's Crash" merchandise is now selling like hotcakes as "collector's items," says the brand. "It adds to the mystique," claims a Cooper's Cash rep. Fans are confused but buying anyway.

Cooper's Cash is also hosting "Mystery Jumps" - pay $200 to skydive like Cooper (sans hijacking, please) - with a guarantee: "You'll vanish like D.B. - but hopefully land safely."

A blast from the past!