The Gray News announces its Sexiest Man Alive results for 2025

After months of deliberation, countless ballots cast, and several heated debates over the merits of receding hairlines versus baldness, The Gray News is thrilled to announce its Sexiest Man Alive for 2025. And the winner is ... none other than King Charles himself! But before we get to the monarch’s winning smile, let’s take a look at the top 5 finalists who stole our hearts with their distinguished charm and rugged elegance.

The Top 5 Sexiest Men Alive (2025):

1. King Charles: With his stately demeanor, sharp jawline, and a hairstyle that’s been perfectly coiffed for decades, King Charles takes the top spot. Who needed abs when you were an heir to the throne, right?

2. Joe Biden: The former President’s distinguished gray hair and avuncular smile have won over our hearts. We’re not sure what’s sexier – his policies or his reading glasses.

3. Brian May: The Queen guitarist’s iconic hair and teeth have been making hearts flutter for decades. We’re pretty sure he’s still shredding like a pro, even if his riffing days are behind him.

4. Prince Philip (posthumous award): Although he’s no longer with us, Prince Philip’s dashing good looks and storied naval career have earned him a spot on our list. We’ll always remember his charming smile and, of course, his impressive mustache.

5. Rupert Murdoch: The media mogul’s craggy features and silver fox locks have captured our attention. Who knew being a billionaire could be so sexy?

So, congratulations ... King Charles! We’re thrilled to award the monarch with our Sexiest Man Alive title, mostly because we couldn’t think of anyone else who’d fit the bill quite so well.

Prizes for Our Winners:

All of our top 5 finalists will receive the following prizes:

• A complimentary bottle of gray hair dye to keep any distinguished locks looking their best

• A membership to the “I’m-Not-Old-I’m-Just-Chronologically-Gifted” club, complete with a complimentary membership card and a year’s supply of reading glasses – prescription.

• A hair transplant voucher to restore those receding hairlines to their former glory

• A dental voucher for a complimentary set of dentures

• A year’s supply of reading material, carefully curated to help them stay current on the latest trends in orthopedic shoes and blood pressure medication

And the winner, King Charles, will receive a special prize:

• A plaque on the Virtual Wall of Distinguished Gentlemen, a digital monument to the world’s most charming and debonair men

• A complimentary royal treatment package at a travelling spa, complete with a crown massage and a royal scrub

And that’s a wrap, folks! The Gray News’ Sexiest Man Alive 2025 has come and gone. We’ll be announcing the nominees for the 2026 season soon (fingers crossed they make it through the grueling selection process). Stay tuned for more outrageous awards and laughable rankings from The Gray News - we’ve got plenty more where that came from!