Cat both dead and alive: Owner calls it "strategic"

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - A local cat remains both dead and alive inside a sealed box, in what experts confirm is either advanced physics or a startup. The situation is based on Schrödinger’s Cat, first proposed by Erwin Schrödinger to demonstrate how absurd Quantum Mechanics becomes outside the lab. Silicon Valley responded by funding it.

“I’m not opening it,” said the owner, now listed as a founder. “Pre-revenue, pre-observation, high potential.” Investors have valued the cat at $80 million.

Applications are expanding rapidly:

- You

- Your bank balance (both exists and doesn’t)

- Your relationship (is both exclusive and undefined)

- Your business (is both failing and pivoting)

All awaiting observation.

Critics argue the box should be opened. Supporters warn this would “collapse valuation.”

At time of publication, the cat remains:

- Alive

- Dead

- Awaiting accountability

Officials confirm the situation will be reviewed once someone is ready to deal with it.

True story!