1. What's the most peculiar thing you've done on a Tuesday?

It was Christmas and I chased a lead at midnight.

2. Do you believe in a power nap?

Alex, you know, sleep is limited.

3. How do you feel about socks?

Surely, you're not asking me that.

4. Ever had a dance battle with an inanimate object?

I knew this interview wasn't serious, Alex.

5. What's your strategy for dealing with Mondays?

Okay, I'll entertain you - I do what you do. 

6. Do you think cheese is a food group?

Hardly a food group, don't undermine me.

7. How often do you reorganize your thoughts?

More often than you - with real stories.

8. What's your favorite way to procrastinate?

I browse through your badly written books to make me feel better about myself.

9. Ever talked to a plant? What did it say?

I'm talking to you, aren't I? You remind me of a plant - no personality.

10. Do you have a secret talent for weird things?

No, I'm not weird - this interview is weird.

11. How do you define "adventure"?

Taking risks, sitting opposite you.

12. What's the last thing you googled out of curiosity?

How anybody finds the will to read what you write.

13. Do you believe in luck?

When I think of your life, yes.

14. How do you handle things that are "too real"?

I embrace them - I'm a real journalist. Unlike others.

15. What's your go-to excuse for weird behavior?

"Alex Gray set me up."

16. Do you collect anything odd?

After today, yes - I want a copy of this ridiculous interview.

17. How do you feel about pineapple on pizza?

I eat it.

18. What's the most spontaneous thing you've done?

Consent to this nonsense.

19. Do you have a ritual for calming down?

I'll figure one out when you leave - I'll need to.

20. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would it be?

Beat Alex Gray with a tire iron.