Tomorrow's News Today: (If Not, We'll Try to Guess)

In a shocking turn of events that we somehow predicted, tomorrow's news will likely feature a mix of the usual suspects: world records being broken, celebrities doing celebrity things like posing for photoshoots and making pointless trying-to-be-witty remarks, and groundbreaking discoveries that will change the world (or at least, that's what the press releases will claim). We'll bring you the latest updates on the impending doom of the world (or maybe just a slight delay in your favorite TV show's premiere). Stay tuned for our expert analysis, which is basically just us making stuff up as we go along.