1. Can you describe the flavor profile of your childhood blanket?

Hmm, it's like... corduroy? Also, old coffee.

2. Have you ever had a strange encounter with a mirror?

Not funny, but yeah, I crashed into one once.

3. What's the weirdest thing you've done to try to get someone to love you?

Gave a parking ticket to a cute girl, or so I was told. It didn't exactly work.

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4. Have you ever accidentally kissed someone... on purpose?

The kiss landed on her chin.

5. Can you accurately describe the color pink?

Listen, man, take it easy.

6. Can you translate the language of the animals in a zoo?

Sounds like a bunch of honking horns.

7. How do you feel about things in slow motion?

Patient.

8. Can you describe the art of sneezing with your eyes open?

Man, these eyes are always open.

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9. Can you describe the sound of silence?

Peaceful - I hope there won't be no donuts and cops questions here.

10. Have you ever had an embarrassing encounter with a body part that's not yours?

I was trying to grab my sister-in-laws hand and... well, she understood. So did my wife.

11. Have you heard Donald Trumps' new song?

No, and I wouldn't listen even if it was a fire alarm.

12. Are your taste buds friendly?

Is that a racist question?

13. Do doors freak you out?

Just the ones that swing the wrong way.

14. Have you ever seen a snake run?

Don't think I won't arrest you, Alex - again.

15. Have you ever fantasized about a mannequin?

I have all kinds of fantasies - not in that way, though. Well, sometimes.

16. Have you ever had a existential crisis in a parking lot?

Fifteen years ago - my sister told me I was black.

17. What's the most impressive feat of ninja-level sneaking you've accomplished?

I can't sneak up on nothing.

18. How would you describe the sensation of walking on hot coals... in your socks... in a desert?

Hot. And stupid. I'm not st-u-pid.

19. Have you ever made a sneeze go backwards?

It hits you right in the throat, man.

20. Do you believe that Elvis Presley was really spotted in New York next Tuesday?

Long live the king - I'll step on his blue suede shoes.